Toffee

Confusion in happy-land. I've been incredibly content (there really is no other word for it) lately, just generally happy and good and.. happy. And now I'm back to that empty feeling. That empty KP-related feeling. I find myself looking at pictures of him, with those marvelous cheekbones (I notice these things, with Danny it was a tendon in his jaw, and Tenty the defined jawline, I know, I'm strange) and wide open eyes. Brown-green-ish and he knows how to use them. Mostly to get some. Or to get girls to fall for him so that he feels he's worth something.

I am very familiar with that feeling.

And then I start missing him. And then I start missing Tenty. Coz I don't want to be a notch on KP's belt again, and hooking up with guys like him has sort of become shameful (but the sex oh the sex). And the other guys, Stoner-dude (just like KP, has just done more drugs), Danny (no school, no job, smells and shakes like an old drunk) and Stu (BORING!), are not going to happen for various reasons.

But Tenty was really... nice. Has job, sweet, naughty, good looking and no ex-girlfriends. But I don't have his number anymore, he's not going to contact me, and he doesn't like me enough for it to work anyway (but the sex oh the sex).

I want someone like him. But I don't want to look for it. I don't want to want it, but I do. I don't want to have sex with anyone, and yet my dreamjob is to be a luxury escorte ("Secret diary of a London Callgirl", tv-show, really must be watched, Billie Piper is the shit).

And BFF just ended things with her Junior. Which is sad. I want her to be happy. She'll get over it, but it sucks right now. And I know I can't really help, and that sucks. And it's raining. Seriously rained in the window on me all night, that is NOT cool.

And started trigonometry and physics at The School. At least math makes sense. And my teacher's kind of hawt.

Silver lining ey? =P