Do I get what want, do I want what I get?

I have worse karma than Hitler.

Tent-boy has yet to reply as to wether or not we're canceling Clapton, which if he says we should, I think I'm officially giving up all hope. And I can start training again instead of gettin my sex on. But anyway, he has not answered. This from the guy who sent me a text at four in the morning WITH NOTHING IN IT, a BLANK TEXT, just to answer a text I sent him earlier, that really didn't actually need an answer.

So I'm being frustrated about the whole Tent-boy thing, and my BFF and two of my best buddies (Juan, the coolest funniest lovliest guy who always takes care of me, and Ice) came over, and we had some beer, a smoke or two, and complained about the world. Or Juan didn't complain. Coz he has it made with an adorable girlfriend. But he pointed and laughed wickedly at us when we complained.

BFF also has problems in paradise, her guy is all avoidence-like when it comes to relationship exclutivity. So she's a little pissed. And Ice just wants to get laid. Preferably on a regular basis.

ANYWAY!! I check my facebook. And there is a message from... KP. My emotional kryptonite. Saying he misses me and sorry for not answering me earlier. I howl. Litteraly. Really loudly.

Does he have some sort of radar that tells him when I'm emotionally unstable enough to give him an opening? I was all about Tent-boy. But the minute he becomes a bit disapointing, enter KP to confuse me utterly.

I hate you.

Yes God, I mean you.

Evil Smiting mother fucker.

Do you wanna, do you wanna, do you wanna make love to me

All moved out, just my sheets and a bag of clothes left to transfer =) S all good.... Tent-boy helped me move... I have no idea what I'm feeling about that whole situation at the moment. I think I want him. He's just so NICE! He's the kind of guy who gives his seat to old people on tha bus, and then comes home and bites you on the ass, growling sexy-like. And those big big big blue eyes when he wants you to kiss him.... Fuck allmighty. I really really wanna go there.

ANYWAY. He came over, with his beautiful wreck of a car, and I was proudly showing him my room, now empty, when he kind of kissed me. And I think I might have kissed back. I don't know. I want to have some boundries! If you never ever want to get serious with me, and it's not a one nighter, you don't get to kiss me!

That's reasonable, right?

Well, I went "what are you doing, you're not supposed to kiss me.". He went "mumble mumble". I went "mumble" and we moved my stuff. After moving all the stuff (with this really awkward mood, where I wanted to hold his hand all the time) he drove me home, and did the pointing-at-his-cheek-gimme-a-kiss-thing. So I did, proud of my self control and poise. Then I got out of the car. Leaned through the open window. Really romantic slow kiss.

Superego 0, ID 2 (or 3 I don't remember, anyway, Superego looosing).

I asked him later why he kissed me in the first place (appart from my awesomeness of course), and he said that he didn't know how to act when he saw me again, and I looked as though I wanted to be kissed. Which I totally did. But yeah.

Think we might cancel Clapton and the whole one night thing. I don't know if either of us really think it's wise to get nekked and dirrty when things are like this.

Unless we're drunk of course.

In sickness and in health

I am still sick, still bored, and reading so much Questionable Content, I think my sense of humor has been permanently altered. I probably won't ever be able to laugh again if physical violence or smart-assing is not involved.

Came back from a stay at my mothers cabin (since I can't really do anything anyway, I might as well do it somewhere the dog can run off and chase sheep), to find my resently appointed step-mother in my fathers flat. Whoopdey-freekin-doo. I was planning to use the next couple of days to pack up all my stuff for my big move (oh, btw, I manipulated Tent-boy into being my moving-truck. Boobs are really practical sometimes), and this was appearently an intrusion into my step-mummys personal space. The woman who hasn't officially moved in yet.

My dad phoned me. Not to ask how my soon to be kidney-failure was going, but to ask if I (she who dost live here, at least for two more days) could be somewhere else for a day or two. So my step-mum (she who dost not live here), could have some space. This somewhere else was unspecified.

I refused, because my father is acting like a twerp, and technically, I'm not invading Step-mums space, she's invading MINE.

Until wednesday anyway.

PS
Trying to get back in shape while on strong-elephant-like antibiotics = bad idea

Hot Tamale Train

Dear God I'm bored. Holed up in my room, can't even comfort-eat because the antibiotics make me too queasy to even think of food for very long. And I can't use this non-eating, no-plans-coz-I-was-supposed-to-be-in-Berlin time to exercise either, because of the red-hot mountain of pain that's happening all down my right side.

BFF (you know, festival with her ex BFF) went off to the army yesterday, VBMF and me aren't talking because our Amsterdam-trip made us realise we actually can't stand eachother, Glamourous Blonde Perfect friend is in London with her Perfect Loving Boyfriend, and I'm loooonelyyyy.... Well... not lonely... just annoyed with my laptops download-speed (very very very slow, been waiting on "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" for two days).

Yes, I am whining. Deal with it.

To illustrate my inability to actually walk, or talk, or do anything remotly social or work-like, the last two days I've watched (not in order); I am Sam, Requiem for a Dream, The Butterfly Effect 2, Into The Wild, A Walk to Remember, The Virgin Suicides, The Graduate, and really an unseemly amounts of tv-series "Dead Like Me".

Grr.

South Dakota

Fan fucking -tastic. I'm stuck at home with a kidney-infection, have to take antibiotics for two weeks, my Berlin-trip that I was leaving on tomorrow is cancelled, coz... you know... I can't breathe without wincing in pain. Which makes drinking 'til dawn and training 'til my arms and legs fall off a liiiiittle difficult. In my twisted little mind, kidney-infection is Tent-boys fault (infection actually result of other infection that may have been caused by him having a gigantic penis and damaging my insides), so I sent him a text saying so, and that again resulted in a lengthy text-conversation that ended with him sending a text with nothing but the kissy-smiley.

It's like we jumped right back to beginning-flirting-tiptoeing around eachother-stage the minute we stopped having sex. Interesting.

I'm still in a hell of a lot of pain though, ice-pack is my friend.

Tent-boy go bye bye

Righti-o... Well, Tent-boy went down in flames. Or not really in flames, more like slightly decending in a shower of sparks, possibly fireworks.

What happened was a little fuzzy, basicly we had a very nice day, just cuddling up in his house, watching movies, having sex, talking, eating m&m's... On the friday he was supposed to go to work at 9 AM(!!), but due to our failure to ever really go to sleep, he called in sick. Thursday night we were talking about something or another, and he called me his girlfriend. I was a bit uhm-ed, and asked if I was, indeed his girlfriend. His response was "well yeah, sort-of". I just said ok, and ignored the matter as there were more interesting things going on (his fingers doing tickly things to my happy-place can be quite distracting).

Right before we went to sleep (like six in the morning) I asked him if I officially became his girlfriend today. He said that, well with going in the army shortly he didn't really want a girlfriend, I said ok and we slept. Very entwined I might add.

Next day, no work, so we slept in, had lots of happy-fuzzy-Imissedyou-sex, went to buy him new shoes, went out to eat, picked his sister up from work, and then he drove me home so I could pack for my weekend-trip (three-year-tradition, me and an old mate of mine go hiking every summer). In the car outside my flat we made out and giggled for a while before I asked him if what we were doing was a sort of a summer fling thing. And then we exchanged "I don't know"s for a while, before I came to the conclution, that although I don't want to pair up and be the whole exclusive picket fence sort of happening just at the moment, I do want that eventually. He said he didn't want a girlfriend because of the whole army-thing, I said that if that was the case, I didn't think "we" were a good idea. Truth is I simply can't be bothered to fall head over heels with a guy who doesn't want something to come of it some day. Again.

He actually seemed more upset than me, kept saying he was sorry, and kept wanting to kiss me one last time, while I was, well... kinda fine. Disappointed, really thought this one could be something, but... well... whatever? I gave him his necklace back too. He looked like he might cry at that point. He's still taking me to an Eric Clapton concert (Oh yes, there is a concert in town, freaky dream, freaky freaky freaky!! Am I clairvoyant? Must investigate further) in a couple of weeks, with his entire family, aaaand we kind of agreed to have a one-nighter in connection with that.... Yeah, so not a good idea, but to hell with it, I like sex.

A couple of texts back and forth during the weekend (he called me "kitten" and used the kissy-smiley), but on the whole, I think I'm going to call this one over. We'll have a goodbye-shag, I'll take advantage of him and his car to help me move, and that can just be it. I think I might be allright. Not sure though. Will investegate further over a gin and tonic.

PS. Gave him a blow-job in the car, sooooo fun, he almost crashed the car, and got really uncomfortable at red lights (revenge for putting his hands down my pants and kissing my neck when I was on the phone with my mum).

City of Sin

SO! Just came back from six days in Amsterdam with my Very Best Male Friend (VBMF). The first couple of days weren't so bad.

Day 1; got a little drunk out of the minibar after eating at Hard Rock Cafè (dishiest waiter ever, covered in tattoos, funny, and a taste of young Tommy Lee meets Chad Michael Murray, luckily I could pretend I was drooling over the food).

Day 2; walking around, museum and such, before hitting a coffeeshop, buying 2 g Afgan weed which we proceeded to crumble over champin-however-the-spelling-of-this-continues pancakes, and eating, getting disappointingly not as high as we wanted, but munchies happened, and we ordered three pizzas off roomservice.

Day 3; cannot for the life of me remember how we spent the day, probably shopping, but ordered food off roomservice again, and then the magic mushrooms happened. I turned three years old and started hitting VBMF with my teddy-elephant (Schnapsi), we giggled a lot, I thought we were on a boat, people on the telly turned funny shapes, and our pupils (you know, the black things in your eyes) were behaving very unusually, growing bigger and smaller out of sync with eachother. All together one of the strangest experiences of my life, and after landing I vowed to become abstinent from pretty much everything. Except sex. Oh, and we unlocked the porn on the telly too. Very interesting. I had to "take care of myself" like three times while pretending to go to the loo.

Day 4-6; rented a pedal-boat for an hour and went up and down the canals. Loads of fun. Shopped a lot. Drank very little, no more weed. Mushrooms scary. Went back to Hard Rock a couple of times more, dishy waiter recognised us and winked at me (want!). The three last days sort of blend into eachother, only thing that stands out is my growing desire to kill VBMF with a spoon of some sort. A sharp spoon. Glowing red-hot. And dripping of something ominus-looking. He snored, breathed more heavily than my grandmother who can barely climb stairs in one go, mumblesd in his sleep, and seemed to have lost the ability to tell me to fuck off when I was being annoying. Oh, and somebody also stole 2 500 euro off him, so I had to pay for everything, which might have added to the tension.

Missed tent-boy... not as much as I'd anticipated. We exchanged a few text, and I bought him a gift, but, well... we'll see. Staying over at his place tomorrow. I have the nagging feeling it might have been a summer-fling sort of crush. Hope not though, he's really a great guy (one of two guy's who has ever "done it" for me in bed, hooray!), and we seem to have a nice thing going when we're together.

Had a dream, very detailed, about an australian guy (who does not excist) named Clapton (because of some thing between his father and Eric Clapton). I met him at work, we started talking and flirting (he looked a bit like Hard-Rock-Dish when I come to think of it), and there was this office party and we kissed. Tent-boy was in the picture in the dream, and I couldn't decide between the two.

It was easier when I was a depressed mess who got drunk all the time. Being happy makes for complicated situations.

rather pleasant panic attack

Oh... my... Gucci...

Sooo.... second official date with Tent-boy yesterday, this guy is so childish and ridiculous, I love it =) He came over after work, I made him some food (I swear, housewife-genes I did not know I had), he met my father (*red flashing sign* DANGER!), and ended up staying the night...

We again had a bit of the sex, was very nice, he's very interested in comunicating about it, and wants to find out how to please me (!). At some point we just stopped what we were doing, and just lay completely still staring into each-others eyes (!!). And we also had this completely silly conversation through it all in this crazy american dialect, and a tickle war that moved the bed about a foot away from the wall. Inbetween all this fun, action and humor filled adventure, he said (breathe deeply now): I love you. And I responded with "No, you do?", and then we just went back to being silly.

I'm freaking out.

!!!

Is it just me, or is this moving a tad too fast? Just like... a smidgeon... The worst part is that it made me happy. And in the morning I got up an hour before him and ran out to Burger King and bought him breakfast, coffee and a razor so he could shave before work. Dear God, I don't want to turn into a relationship-person.

Stu also asked me to go swimming, seeing as the weather has decided to behave and be summerly for once. I said I didn't have the time because I had to pack for my weekend get-away today. Which is actually true . So there.

Oh yeah, and I'm leaving for Amsterdam on wednesday, so Tenty said he could pick me up after work on wednesday, and we could go to his place and I could see where he lived. It does seem rather like he's changed his mind about the cooling off. What with the I love you and stuff.

Oh yeah Romeo, you know I used to have a scene with him.

Dammit I think I fell in love again. This is gonna totally ruin my image.

Housewife-tendencies

Allrighty, so, vacation over, back to work, back to life, back to drama... Stu is trying to get in touch, I am largely ignoring him, missing Tent-boy like a fiend, I think I managed to fall a little there. He came over two days ago at three, and stayed until five the next day... it's like totally couple-mode, and it's freaking me out. I don't want to move away anymore. But I can't stay in this horrible city for a guy I've known for just over a week, that would make it way too serious way too fast.

Right?

Anyway, I've had to rejoin the information highway to some degree, a guy who might consider renting me an appartment wanted to know more about me, so I had to reopen facebook... So that particular plan failed. I'm still off IM though, so we're not entirely back at start and passing go.

I'm taking my best freind out to dinner today, as it is his birthday, and so that we can plan our trip to Amsterdam next week. It's way too awkward falling in love (developing crush whatever) right before I'm going on multiple holiday's with other guys... Don't think that will go over well

Ok lost my train of though, my sister came and started to recomend restaurants, and then we watched "Achmed the dead terrorist."

But ANYWAY! Tent-boy said we sould probably just end it before he fell too madly in love with me (like that takes more than five minutes), so we're probably gonna cool it off before I go to Amsterdam. Not that I want to. I mean, it's not often I actually like a guy enough to make him breakfast. And he seems to not be too hot for the idea either. It WOULD be the smart thing to do, but hey, what happened to living in the moment, and getting laid (and free breakfast) while you have the chance ;)