re-installing real life

In an attempt to regain some sort of control over my life and my ID, I went to drastic measures yesterday. I uninstalled my IM and deleted my facebook-account. I'm contemplating getting rid of my mobile phone too. All these technological thingies just makes it far too easy to get distracted, and far too easy to spy on people you really just should stay far far away from. I swear, I'm convinced facebook doubles the time it takes to get over a broken heart. It's not an easy thing to do under any circumstances, but it's just so much harder when you can torture yourself by clicking into their profile and look at pictures of them, read what they're saying, and who they're saying it to. And I've been doing that for over a year now with KP. And of course this resulted in us eventually hooking up again, him breaking my heart again, hooking up one MORE time, and this time actually kind of finish it in a decent way. But I think it might be time to exit the information highway and roll the backstreets for a bit. Not just because of the getting away from the impulse to spy, but also to just live a little more inside my own head instead of Bill Gates' baby, and maybe try to sort out the emotional mess that's going on IRL. 

ID: one. Super Ego: zero

ok... There is one small chink in my armour of awesome... KP.. that dude makes me act like a pathetic 14 year old girl. Or not if not act, at least feel like said pimply horribelness. Now, I was thinking, or trying to convince myself that I was thinking, that I wanted to try and patch things up and be friends (FRIENDS, just ordinary FRIENDS!!) with him before I left town. The last time we talked, I yelled at him first in person, and then for ten minutes on the phone. He totally deserved it too, but it leaves for an awkward ex-dynamic. I mean, do I say hello to him if I meet him? Am I still pissed off (no, I don't hold grudges, but does HE know that?)? Is he pissed off with me? Does he want his t-shirt back? Does he know I'm dating Stu?

ANYWAY! One of the reasons he makes or at least made my himinageebies jiggle was that we were able to talk together very capably about the things that were bothering us and such. So... my subconcious (that really just wants to cuddle him close and make violent, passionate, sweet, soft love to him all night), tries to convince my concious that it is all in the name of talking to someone about my shitfaced fear of growing up. And sadly, it succeded for a long enough time for me to message him and tell him I wanna "be his friend". Leaving me feeling like an idiot. And slowly realising I have been tricked. Cruelly decieved by my ID.

So there. But except from this I am of course awesome in all repects.