There she goes, just a-walking down the street

Joe Purdy - check

Lucky Strike - check

middle of the night, sitting in my window and smoking. Feel like getting drunk. Life really ain't nothing without love, if I may get all country-song-y.

Sent Tenty a text "hey, long time, how are you? scince you helped me move in to my flat, want to see it?". He replied saying it was really tough seeing me last time, and he didn't think it was a good idea for him at the moment. It was both the most perfect and the most horrible reply I have ever gotten. Totally honest. And just underlining the fact of how perfect the guy is. And how unbeliavbly unnecissary our "break up" was. It started as just a friendly approach to a cool guy I used to be close to. And now I just want to hold him and be held by him. And I have to leave him alone. Because I care about him.

I miss him so much, and I'm sad, and lonely, and for some reason I want to talk to KP about this heartbreak. Is that fucked up? That's fucked up.

I can't say I want to be someones highest priority, and for someone to want to give me the world, because I have been, and I am. But they haven't been the right someones. I want to stare into those blue blue eyes, and I want to talk to KP about how the fact htat I can't really hurts. I don't know why I feel like that would help, and it probably wouldn't, but in my sleep-deprived heart it makes sense.

Sleep-deprived head just wants to kick some sense into sleep-deprived heart. "You want to talk to one ex about how another ex won't talk to you because he hasn't gotten over you? What are you an idiot? Go take a nap. A run. A valium. Whatever. Before I get pissed and start typing in all-caps here." Then heart goes "You're just a big lump of zombie-lunch, what do you know bitch". "WhatEVER you big MUSCLE! Like you're ANYTHING without me! GO EAT A FUCKING WAFFLE OR SOMETHING! Emotional twat." And that really gives my lungs a nicotine-craving.